Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Mind Ramblings...

My day started off pretty good. I woke up early around 8am and went to help out Debo with the opening of her restaurant. Turns out she didn’t need much help so I ordered some food and hung out. I ended up hanging out all day at her place with nothing else better to do but talk with some of her customers, friends and more friends. Not a bad day that’s for sure as I could think of a million other things I’d hate to be doing.

After a while my Argentinean friend Alvaro showed up and we hung out for the remainder of the day at Debo’s. We talked about many things, women, the world and traveling. He came from Argentina on a whim and ended up staying and working here. He used to work at a restaurant here in town but that didn’t pan out for him and now he is freelancing selling boat trips and renting kayaks to tourists. He also gets together with other spear fishermen like himself and heads out into the ocean and spear fish for money and sometimes they do pretty well!

Later that night a girl I met exactly 1 month ago on my birthday night showed up and by then we had started in on the beers. I have been taking it very slow the past 2 weeks so I decided to reward myself and step it up a notch with these good friends. We hung out until Debo couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore and we headed out into the night to Alvaro’s apartment where he had beers waiting for us. First we swung by his old work to pick up his girlfriend so he and I killed time on the jetty with my baseball bat knocking rocks out to sea which ended up being great fun if not a bit difficult due to low lighting and beers. We went back to his place with his girlfriend who is the chef at the restaurant. That girl is an amazing cook and is super cool and we spent a few hours talking and trying to convince her to quit her job and go work for Debo.

There hasn’t been much surf lately, I mean its waist high but I just can’t seem to get my shit together right now. I’m happy but not truly happy. I figured out some of the problem by thinking a lot into what it is that is bothering me. I spent 4 years dreaming of this trip and putting the money together to make it happen. That dream, that goal was my sole reason for waking up in the morning and keeping my life together. Without it, I was lost. Now that I am living that dream, that huge goal I now have a bad vacuum in my life. I no longer see the reasons for waking up in the morning to lounge around doing nothing. To some people this sounds like heaven, to me its almost hell at times. Without a purpose, a goal or a dream what the hell are we doing here and what the hell do we do when we accomplish that dream? I need to sit down and try and build a new goal system for myself. Ive never had a problem in my life making goals like so many people do but right now Im struggling for reasons. Im struggling for dreams. Im finding myself more and more stuck in the town of Punta Mita. Why move on? Why even be here? I love surfing but the stoke is dead right now. I did such a good job of killing my desire to ride waves for the past 3 years. I was working and I knew it was silly to keep filling my head with visions of surfing waves and desires to take side trips and now I find it very difficult to turn it BACK ON! Here I am in a prime surfing destination and I haven’t done a morning and afternoon session even once! I surf for a few hours and get my fill and that’s it for the day! What the hell is wrong with me???? Ive been talking to a surfing friend on the internet and he advised me to head to Baja for great cheap camping, cool people and great waves in the wintertime. Baja isn’t too far for me and riding the 18 hour ferry across the Sea of Cortez sounds appealing but I can hardly make myself stir at this thought. Truly stuck. What the hell??? I should be taking off at a moments notice and heading for new destinations and sunsets. I have the money, the means and sure as hell have the ability and yet I find myself unable to do anything more than drive 5 minutes to my nearest break. I haven’t even tried to surf any of the other 5 spots in this area!!! I need to get out of this rut. I need to find a purpose again, a good goal. Im not thinking suicidal or anything so please don’t be concerned. Ive always loathed suicides as such a waste of a good opportunity. When you no longer fear death and actually wish for it, you have become the most powerful person in the world and you should put it to good use or go out like a champ, not in your closet with a shotgun. Im just in a slump and I don’t really know why. I hate to sound like im bitching to all my readers but basically my blog is also my form of a journal and Im trying to get somewhere on the path of recovery by writing this and getting it out of me. This is very therapeutic for me and I enjoy it so just skip this post if you find it annoying to read about the kid who has everything and lives the dream in his van down in Mexico and is now depressed. Im at least waiting until I get my foam (should be tomorrow) to repair my surfboard before I move on because I do not know when I may be able to score some again. Anyways… Im headed to bed.


Anonymous said...

I've come to a conclusión that when you have a goal and you don't prepare yourself to "things might go wrong" you set yourself to failure. For example, when I was 17 I wanted to go to Houston and study college there, then when I was 18 I wanted to go to Mty. Now I'm at Tampico, none of my plans included this place. But I'm happy with what I have. Sometimes we wonder if the path we're taking was the right one. I think ur problem is that you have tought so much time about this goal that you forgot how to enjoy it, and you set yourself to failure. Love you babe, don't give up on your dream, it has kept you appart from many things including me, I'd hate to see you not having fun at it.

Anonymous said...

Just remember David, It's not the path that is important it's the Destination.

Nick W.

Unknown said...

Don't sweat it, you are still going through withdrawls from the way of life you once knew and conformed to for so long. It will take time to readjust to the natural synchronicity of time. Once you reach that place you will know your path. Stop fighting it and go with the flow. Live in the moment and stop worrying about the future and where you need to be, you are already where you need to be. Try to find out what keeps you there. Research the history of the area maybe something has drawn you there for a purpose. Maybe you find comfort with the people you know there and are still scared of setting off on your own.

Chris said...

Bro, you are in mainland Mexico. (Nayarit?) You are in the spot. You do not want to get on the ferry and drive through Baja.

I am driving down to Baja tomorrow with friends. It's a great experience but I don't think it's the Mexico flavor you're looking for.

My two cents? After a while I too got tired of surfing and traveling around South America going wherever I wanted. The adventure wore off.

Try finding a volunteer or service project to work on. You don't need to make money? You're set... Do something where you're helping out somebody or something else. It will get you out of your head. Look on the internet, find a project in Mexico, preferably near surf. You will meet good people. At the end of the day you will feel good.